"Is there no way out of the mind?" -Sylvia Plath

I have been spending a lot of time at home since I have been jobless. This past week has been the absolute worst. I cannot be left alone with my own thoughts too long. I am driving myself mad. I sincerely wish I could be someone who didn't care about things, or people, or anything at all. I know it sounds wrong, but if anyone could really see in my mind, and calculate how much time I spend obsessing over things I care about, but shouldn't, they would probably curl into a ball and die.
I remember something I wrote 2 years ago...
"They say my cold hands mean that I have a warm heart, But I often find I would gladly trade one for the other."

What's so frustrating about all of this is my over-awareness of the problem, and my absolute inability to discontinue the mind-numbing behavior.

I love this picture. It's the famous photo called "The Kiss". It's from V-J Day. I want someone to kiss me like that!




---------------------So Many 3am's I've Spent-----------------------

So many 3 am's I’ve spent
Eyes wide open
Neck and wrists so bent
Over these keyboards and papers
With pens and letters
Writing about how much I miss together
Without you
Without me
Don’t know how I could ever be
Someone to anyone at all
The tiniest of them all
I cry out loud
In muted tones
They read my eyes
They hear my moans
Yet hiding them I’ll ever be
It really comes so easily
One day I will be so very free
Cut loose these chains inside of me
Right now I break at every word
Every bend in the road, every turn
Scares me so
Give up before I’ve lost
Before I’ve begun
Can’t even start when I should be done
Oh, everyone is just like me
Sobbing there so silently
Somehow I think I matter still
When the moon dips, crescent-like behind the hill
I see the stars, I make a chart
I leave the key inside my heart
We’re all the same, so I don’t know why
I think I’m the only one with a map to the sky