Jesus Saves?

So, today I went to Fair Oaks Mall, hungover and unhappy. I didn't even want to go, but I had to return something to get money back. Anyway, after I was finished and walking the mall, sullenly, I was stopped by a 20-something girl and guy. The girl said she and her friend were conducting a survey. Well, the chick was lying. Instead Rebecca, and her friend Aaron were accosting me, and holding me hostage with Jesus guilt in broad daylight. I know most people would walk away, say, "No thank you" or whatever, but alas, I am too nice. When she said it was a survey, I felt bad for her, knowing how hard it must be to get people to fill it out, so I was willing to spend a few minutes doing so. Instead, she was reading Bible Passages to me in the MIDDLE OF THE MALL by the Starbucks Stand. WTF. She even asked me to read one aloud, and I obliged. Why am I so nice? Furthermore, why in the world do I think that I should be the person to restore people's faith in humanity after everyone else is rude? She just kept talking, asking me questions that were simple, but because I was caught off-guard, it felt like a pop quiz. Her "friend" Aaron just stood there, almost as if her were her little puppet. He seemed to be like some sort-of sidekick. He never spoke, just smiling and laughing when she would make her cheesy jokes. It was as of he were her slave in righteousness. He was even half-way cute. She kept asking if I wanted to "meet and study" more, so to be polite, I asked for her number. She pulled the "lemme call you right now thing" that douchey guys have started doing so they know you aren't giving them a fake. So of course, she calls me right there, and I'm thinking "Oh shit". The last thing I need is some chick obsessed with "spreading God's love" calling me all the time. Aaron tells me that I look familiar. She asks me where I live and I tell her Burke, to which she and her semi-cute puppet Aaron squeal with glee. They live in Burke too! Where, pray-tell in Burke do I live? By the Walmart?! Us too! Yeah right. I'm so sure Aaron recognizes me from the Burke area. I look like everyone else. There is nothing unique or special about me. I walked out to my car after the annoying long detour to Jehovah-land. I get into my car and for no reason I can fathom, I begin to cry. Hard cries, sobbing even. I am utterly shocked by this reaction, but can't stop myself. As I am weeping there, alone and confused, I wonder...
Did God send these two people to me? Did he see that I feel utterly lost, alone and worthless? Then the smarter part of me realizes that it's bullshit. These people saw a girl, clearly solemn-faced, because of my hungover condition and lack of anything to be happy about at that moment, and they used it to their advantage.

Look, don't get me wrong here. I believe in a Higher Power. This was actually a discussion I had with Diane 2 days ago. I believe in God, Jesus, all that. This girl was explaining to me that the Bible had already played out 98%. That means the last 2%, Revelations, we in fact are living right now. Well forgive me, Rebecca, but some days I don't care. Some days I really don't think I would mind so much the world coming to a close, if it's meant to be. My life isn't particularly spectacular these days anyway, and frankly, I don't believe I am going to Hell. Some days I'm not even sure there is one. The Bible is so contradictory. If we are all God's children why would he wish for some of us to burn for all eternity? I just can't imagine an All-Loving God doing something like that.

I really don't know why I was crying the whole way home. The only thing I could think of that made any sense was the fact that I had no one to tell this stupid story to. It was so ridiculous. And it was so something that only happens to me. I get myself into the strangest and silliest situations. Such funny, random occurrences! When I want to share it with someone, I realize there is no "Someone". It reminds me of this line from the movie "Catch and Release".

The main girl says to this other guy (does it really matter who?)
"You must be lonely. Who do you tell your stories to?"- Chick
"I guess I keep them to myself."- Dude

It made me so sad to hear that. When I realized I could relate, it made me even more sad.
Sometimes I wonder what is worse, not having anyone to tell my stories to, or wanting to tell them to someone who doesn't care.

Sometimes I get so angry with myself. Why can't I just be a bitch? Why can't I just have said, "Well, Rebecca and Aaron, if this IS the end of the world, I would rather not waste any more of my precious minutes reading Bible verse in a public place." I wish I had more discipline. I frustrate myself to no end.

Ah, well. I suppose it's just one of those EMO days. Here's hoping tomorrow will be much better.